What’s the first things all newbies should do? 

Some people say attend a meet & greet! Go to naked speed dating! How about a seminar on spanking/squirting/dirty dancing?

Here is the truth.  The #1 thing to do is to ‘Have the Talk.’  An open discussion between the two of you about what you want to experience today. How far each of you is comfortable going now,  What things are okay, what things are not okay, and your plan for what to do if something doesn’t feel right.

During The Talk, It’s important to be specific, to create a plan and know that in all this excitement things can change fast!

I’m sure that everyone onboard had ‘The Talk’  to some extent prior to planning a trip like this. That’s a great start.  The important thing to learn in the article is to have the talk often.

There is a huge energy onboard this ship.  It can sweep you up and turn this into the most fun week you have ever have.   However if you don’t have an awareness of it you might find yourself asking ‘how did we get here?’

Happy Couples Tip #1:  Make it a ritual to start you day off in a relaxed space with your partner and take time to share and listen.   Vacations transform you, make sure you know what’s happening with your partner and you share what’s happening inside you!  Then enjoy the excitement.

Put your mind at ease, and get your body excited

The most frequent question new couples ask me about is the pressure to participate.  Visions of a huge orgy pile, with pressure from strangers to jump in make them feel nervous, the fear of being groped without consent adds tension.

Rest assured the ship is a zero ­pressure zone, and there is no tolerance for violating other people’s boundaries.

 Indeed if you look around you may discover the location of an orgy pile somewhere onboard this ship, but notice you have to actually look for it because it will only be available for those eager to participate and only in the ‘pre-approved’ areas.   And just because you find that exciting party pile, don’t think you can just dive right in.  There are rules and and proper protocol for getting invited. If you are wondering, ‘How can we get involved?’

 The number one way to find out if you can join in?  ASK!

What you’ll find in the lifestyle is an incredibly respectful community, where the ladies are in charge and their comfort is paramount. This is a community where you can talk about your fantasies, and nothing is taboo.

Ultimately, the idea is to facilitate communication and bring each couple a little bit closer.

As you make your way around the ship, enjoying its bounty and meeting new people, keep in mind there is no expectation to participate. At first, you might be taken aback by the frankness of your fellow passengers, many of whom are seasoned cruise veterans.

 On a vacation like this, there isn’t much point in playing coy.

Introductions might be followed by a casual, cheerful rundown of what a couple enjoys intimately or sexually. This is not done with the intent to intimidate, but rather to establish compatibility. You might find it a refreshing change from the verbal dancing that governs social interaction in the normal world. You might receive invitations delivered with the same friendly frankness.

Again, couples on the cruise are sensitive to the needs of newbies.  Everyone here was a newbie once. Most are happy to help you make your first time fun and easy.  If you are new don’t be afraid to tell everyone.  That is the best way to make bunch a of friends who are eager to help show you the ropes. (sometimes even literally!)

If being this open and upfront intimidates you then perhaps you would benefit from attending a seminar or two.  I’m offering a class called ‘Newbies 101: Sexier & More Connected.’  It’s packed with all sorts of great ideas and tips.  I even share my ‘100% intimidation proof,  never fails, works every time pick up line.’  If you are curious, be sure to stop by.

You do not HAVE to play with anyone, but the delicious part is knowing you have that option at any time.

How you meet and play with others is crucial to getting the most out of your cruise.  When helping couples decide on the right vacation I often hear worries about spending the money, taking precious vacation time, and then not having the amazing experiences they were hoping for.

 It’s true that you’ll get more out of your trip if you’re willing to put more into it.

A willingness to be open, frank, and outgoing about what you as a couple enjoy, and what you’d like to explore, is a must. Naturally, this is easier for some than for others, but there are a few simple techniques you can practice and tips to follow to ensure that even a more introverted couple can get out there and play.

When it comes to maximizing your cruise potential, a little homework goes a long way. Some prep time learning about the swinger, and maybe the kink, lifestyles will help you establish common ground with people, even if they’re proposing things you never really thought of trying.

 For starters, know your terms. Remember that big orgy pile that not everyone is into? Having the right vocabulary enables you to find and communicate with the people you want to play with, without winding up in there.

Knowing key terms also reduces the potential for misunderstanding and the accidental crossing of boundaries, be they the other couple’s or your own. A few key terms:

Soft ­swap: Play the includes some or all forms of non-­penetrative sex. It can be as simple a making out, up to and including oral pleasure. A soft­ swap couple might prefer all participants to be in the same room, both for comfort and safety.

 Full­ swap: A full swap couple is most likely receptive to penetrative sex with their chosen playmates. Full­ swapping may include pairing off (truly “swapping”) partners, and sex in separate cabins.

Kinky: Kink spans a range of activities and mindsets that broadly branch out into two aspects: the pain/pleasure dynamic and the power exchange dynamic. A kinky player might enjoy light impact play (spanking) or heavy impact play (whipping). Or they might enjoy the power exchange of being told what to do, or who to do it with, during sex. The world of kink is so broad that there’s a little something for everyone, and it’s worth having an open discussion with a couple who has kink on their dance card, to ensure everybody gets a little of what fulfills them.

Making a first impression

 First impressions are key, especially in an environment as erotically charged as this. A great way to break the ice is to have an “elevator pitch” ready.

This is nothing more than a 20 second verbal introduction that you have, rehearsed and ready, for when you meet a new couple- basically your names, a short and sweet lifestyle profile (including your limits), and an offer.

For example:

“Hi, we’re Sarah and Steve. She loves bi-­friendly ladies (as do I) and we’re a soft swap couple with a kinky side. We say that we’re “swinky.” We’re looking for new friends to join us for dinner. Do you have plans tonight?”

Happy Couple Tip #2  Have something to say!  Everyone feels nervous at times.  It helps to have something to say.  If you can spit out your names, a short and sweet lifestyle profile (including your limits), and an offer you are heading in the right direction.

At first you may think this sounds forced, but rest assured, a forthright elevator pitch gives you the ability to appear warm, engaging, and open; it puts others at ease and gives them an opportunity to decide whether you would be a good fit for mutual fun and adventure.

The Big Turn Down

That same frank, friendly openness is a good demeanor to practice in case you have to reject offers. All couples won’t be a perfect fit, and it’s a good idea to get on the ship with the knowledge that you may need to turn someone down.

Given the limited duration of the cruise,most couples would prefer a friendly, “I appreciate the offer, but this isn’t the right fit for us,” rather than the long, mixed ­message, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings by directly saying no” approach that the social contract of everyday life instills within us.

The latter wastes the rejected party’s time­ time they could have spent with a more amenable couple. The former lets them move on quickly and engenders no animosity. There is no need to explain why you’re not interested; no one is here to receive a categorical list of their shortcomings. A “thanks, but we’re not interested” and a smile will suffice. If the other part can’t accept that, you’ll have proof positive that your declination of their invitation was the right call to make.

Yes, no or maybe.

As you start to play asking is the key.  We have all heard it before but No, means no.  An important tip I’d like to add is that ‘maybe’ also means ‘no.’  Only a clear ‘yes’ from everyone involved should be the signal to move forward.

Sustaining that level of comfort is vital during intimate encounters, too. It’s important never to go

faster than either partner is comfortable going, and it is up to each individual not to push their partner further than he or she is comfortable going. No matter how excited you are about the situation.  Think back to the talk and respect your partner’s limits.

The idea is to create moments in which participants WANT to proceed, not situations in which they feel intimidated, or feel like they cannot back out. Nothing will undo the magic of an erotic vacation faster or more thoroughly than violating your own partner’s boundaries.

Say yes to exploring and you’ll come home from this cruise with a better understanding of your desires, and how they relate to those of your partner.

Call me!