Dating as a Lifestyle Unicorn

Shhhhh….be vewy vewy kwiet!  We’re hunting unicorns… lifestyle unicorns!

You’ve read the profiles:
We are looking for a female to bring into our bedroom.  We want someone experienced, assertive and open minded.

Unicorns wanted!  Apply here!

Lifestyle Unicorns: The Hunt Begins.

Many couples who dip their toe in the lifestyle waters are hoping to find the elusive lifestyle unicorn. Often times, the woman wonders what it would be like to be with another woman. The man wants to watch, and secretly hopes he can get some too. But no one ever seems to consider what the Unicorn’s needs might be. When you look at things from their point of view, you just might see why they are so rare…

This list is by no means complete, but every one of these I’ve seen or heard come up in the Swinger-verse in the last 8 years:

“Lifestyle Unicorn Rules” (as set forth by “The Couple”)

  • The lifestyle Unicorn is to be equally sexually attracted to both the husband/wife in the couple.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is to be available to play with either the husband and/or the wife whenever THEY want.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is only to play with the husband or wife.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is NOT to fall in love with either the husband or the wife.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn must be careful not to do anything that would break apart the marriage.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is expected to be the wife’s best friend.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is expected to be the exclusive lover of the husband.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn must fulfill all the sexual fantasies of the couple.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn may be asked to move in with the couple, especially if they are polyamorous.
  • The lifestyle Unicorn is not to date outside of the couple without their permission.

In addition to the above responsibilities the Lifestyle Unicorn may also not enjoy these side non-benefits:

  • If the couple has problems, the Unicorn is the first to go.
  • If the Unicorn has problems, she will have to deal with her problems alone, because the couple may be emotionally unavailable, may perceive her problems as a threat to their own relationship, and view her as “drama.”
  • If the Unicorn enters a broken relationship with a couple, the couple may look to her as the solution.  When they discover she’s not, she’s out!
  • The Unicorn may be asked to keep secrets from the husband and/or the wife.
  • The Unicorn may be in the middle of the couple’s fights and asked to referee.
  • The Unicorn may get kicked out for wanting to date others because her needs aren’t getting met.

Starting to see why Lifestyle Unicorns are so rare? This is the lifestyle equivalent of catching a frog, then putting it in a shoe box with holes punched in it, and wondering why the frog doesn’t thrive after you took it out of the wild.

Assign these same duties to a single guy. It just doesn’t seem to work for single guys! It’s pretty much expected when a single guy joins a couple, he will fuck you and then leave – no questions asked. He may catch up with the couple again 6-12 months down the road, but rarely is he expected to be a part of the couple’s life.

In general, couples view singles, and in particular, unicorns, as a sex toy to be used at the whim of the couple. It’s a badge of honor for the couple to find a unicorn…but what does the Unicorn get out of being with them?

Single males in the lifestyle can have sex for the sake of having sex, and emotions never enter into the play date. Unicorns/Women by nature are more emotional and crave human connections. To assume a unicorn is just going to play with a couple, with no strings attached, whenever they want, on their terms, forever and ever, without something in return for the Unicorn is CRAZY. I can tell you that as a single woman in the lifestyle, I would much rather have a sex partner of my own then resort to “time sharing” your spouse. But being in a relationship right now is not happening for me, so connecting with a couple is better than connecting with no one.

Lifestyle Unicorns: Care for your Unicorn

Ask not what your Unicorn can do for you, but what YOU can do for your Unicorn!

If you are lucky enough to find a Unicorn, taking some time to get to know them so you can properly care and feed her will definitely help you “keep” your Unicorn.  

  • What are her needs, besides occasional sex encounters?  
  • Does she need friendship?  
  • Someone looking out for her?  
  • Does she need help with chores around the house?  
  • Does she need a friend?  
  • Can you, the couple, offer to meet her needs so you can grow and solidify the relationship?

Over the last few years, I have been a “third” in several relationships. Some were as short as the length of a swingers cruise, and some of them are still ongoing, several years later. I chose the couples I get involved with very carefully. In every case, the couple offers an environment I can thrive in. They are solid couples, to begin with, so there’s no expectation for me to save their relationship. We freely offer each other companionship. I’m free to explore relationships with others, just as they are. I only hang with couples where I am just as comfortable hanging with the wife as I am the husband. When we discuss playtime for the first few times – I allow the couple to consult with each other and they don’t hide anything from each other. There are no demands made on anyone.  

Not only have some of these met my sexual needs at times, they’ve met some of my “other” needs along the way. One of the couples I’m “the third” in helped me get my finances squared away after my divorce. Another couple I’ve known for many years and travel frequently travel with tells others I’m a part of their family. They meant it too…driving 4 hours one way to be with me at my mother’s funeral last year. Last year, I hung out with two couples on two separate cruises who went out of their way to include me in their dinner and excursion plans. I really loved that sense of belonging, and it’s difficult to find that on a swinger cruise when you’re there as a single.  

I also enjoy helping the couple when they need me! Often times, I offer companionship to one member of the couple when the other has a playdate. Last year, one of the couples I’m involved with had some issues with an aging parent last year, and I was able to provide them some guidance just by sharing what I went through while taking care of my mother. Most of the time? I’m much needed comedic relief.  🙂


Unicorn in the Lifestyle - Dominatrix of DittiesNot only has Traci had the pleasure of swing dating, but is also a published author writing about her trials and tribulations in the online dating world as well.

She’s written a book called “Hey…and Other Scintillating Mating Calls from The Online Dating World” that details the world of online dating, as well as revealing hundreds of emails she received from guys who wanted to date her along with her HILARIOUS responses while dating vanillas, swingers and BDSMers.



Are you a Lifestyle Unicorn? Or perhaps just a single looking for a sexy, topless adult playground on the sea? We have a cruise designed with both singles and couples in mind: Temptation Cruise in February 2020!

Join over 2000 new sexy friends on board this 5-night cruise out of Tampa, Florida!

Temptation Cruise details! [Click Here]

Call me!